My besties reliving their childhoods!

These are kinda old but I miss my friends so I decided to finally upload these pictures of us at Rice Park, Enjoy :)

Missing them Mucho Mucho

It's been too long since I have blogged! I thought why not I would write on this beautiful day :) I am missing my friends right now. They are in Oahu and Im here on Maui. I wish I was there with them but I just can't afford it. This Christmas season has really ran me dry. My mother too so no borrowing from her lol. I had an offer to take a loan from my second mother but I just couldn't do it. She has to take care of her life as well and didn't need to be giving me money for Oahu. I really really miss my friends. It feels like they have moved away and have been gone for a really long time. hmm come back to me my loves! lol I hope they are having fun though. They deserve this vaction and break away from the drama that surrounds them on Maui. Well I hope they forgive me for not going and I can't wait to see them when they come back! January 5th! YAY! I love my besties! Have fun my loves!

A reminder

Don't misunderstand my blogs. I write my blogs to get down everything I'm feeling and to get it off my mind and chest. This does not mean I am not happy and loving life. Everyone has their moments and I just so happen to blog my negative ones so I can move past it and be happy. Just thought I would let you know so you don't think I am a depressed, suicidal, emotional wreck! :) LIVIN THE LIFE

Why?

Love me for me. Why not? What's so hard? I love you, I hate you. Here I am. Giving it all. Stick around. Stuck. It's so hard being me. You don't want the me I give you. You want something else. Second best. Can't meet your standards. Can't please you. What the fuck do I have to do? Why aren't you happy? What do you expect? I can't be everything you want! Why can't you just love me for me? I try nice? NO. I try sassy? NO. I try bitchy? NO. I try loving? NO. Nothing works for you. Why am I different to you? When it comes to me you can't seem to see me as someone. You push and pull and your ripping it at the seams. You say you want me around but them you push me away with so much force it gets harder to let you pull back. Not fair. Always second guessing me, my intentions, my love. You don't trust me. You don't WANT to. I feel too. Make up your mind. I will one day get tired of the tugging and assumptions. Why can't you just see I want you in my life. I wan't us to see as equals. As one. To give it whole heartily. No games. No foolish comments. Foolish accusations. None of the bull shit. Love me for me. Get over whatever it is. I don't want to hurt. I don't want you to go. Think BEFORE you speak. It will work. THINK about it.......sooner than later your going to have to stop pushing or your not going to have anything to pull back. Stop.

Life as it is

Stability. I thought I had arrived at a point in my life where I felt stable. Temporary. It went just as fast as it came. Disappeared. Lost in myself once again. How did this u-turn happen? I can never be sure. No, not financial stability, deeper to my roots than materialistic things. So sad to think I had been to a place I was comfortable just to have the rug pulled out under me. It hurts more this time. It is creeping in and warping me into what I despise. Constantly thinking of what could be, but seems to be out of my reach. Less fortunate. Fine. Does not mean it makes the intensity any less. Only the fictional exists to me. It's what I have. Easy come and easy go as they say. Thought I didn't feel this? I only let you in on the pieces that don't hurt to say out loud. I only tell you what I know you can handle. I don't want empathy. Pity me, none. You can't help me with this. Confidence; it's what comes easy for me to show. Doesn't mean it's always true. Have to portray myself to be someone of good stature and have stability but it exists around me instead of inside my very existence. Ha! Don't think I try? Everyday. No different it seems. Change aspects of my life? Done. Doesn't work. Forget it? Haunts me everywhere. No escape. What to do now? Live with it and hope I can make it through another hour. Don't get it? Then you don't get me. It hurts. Bad. Eats away at my self control and my very core. I need help. No one can. Alone.

!!Twilight Mania!!

Okaii so everyone who knows and loves me have already faced the reality that I am obsessed with a vampire....yes it is true. I have been in love for about 6 months and still going strong. HAHAHAHA Don't take that TOO literal. I am a huge fan of the saga Twilight and am totally obsessed with the main hunk Edward. He is unparalleled perfection with sexy, sharp teeth. Come on ladies, and my muffy's, be honest with yourself and tell me you wouldn't jump at an opportunity to be with perfection like Edward?! Ha! :YES BUDDHA I AM VERY ATTACHED! :) Well I was very upset Friday night about something very horrible that happened.....The movie came out and I was speechless. I went with my besties and (ask them lol) I was soooo excited that I couldn't breathe, concentrate, and I was never that happy for a long time. BUT as the movie progressed I became more and more disappointed. The director did a terrible job to be quite honest. It honestly felt like she was making a parody! I mean people were literally laughing and it was not suppose to be funny in the least. It looked totally fake, I mean I have seen better movies on Sci-Fi!, I could not feel any chemistry between Edward and Bella (you could tell it was acting) and it made Edward look like a total idiot! I was so furious I went home and cried. Yes sounds a little intense but I think it was disappointment that got the better side of me. I mean why would you need to change anything about Twilight? It really is a perfectly written book and every aspect of the book ties in together. One part of the movie that I could not understand was how she had a cell phone. Yes it is only a small change but in the book she only had e-mail to contact her mother and had the house phone. I mean I felt like not having a cell phone made the feeling of seclusion, loneliness, and discomfort like how Bella felt moving to Forks. It was symbolic to me and had a good message, made it all the more interesting. OMG one part of the movie almost had me in furious tears! When Edward took Bella to his secret meadow to show her what happens to him in the light it felt as if the director was mocking the book! It was made out to be a joke, like it was some skit on SNL!!! It was suppose to portray the intensity of Edward showing her what he is and the encounter of their almost first kiss. You are suppose to feel Edward's anger at himself for being a monster and the attachment that Bella feels for him, monster or not. BUT PEOPLE WERE LAUGHING!!! Yeah Yeah your probably saying that it's because it is a book and you can use your imagination but the movie went in the total opposite direction. It seriously looked like a low-income film. I hated it. I despise it. I will never see it again.

TO ALL WHO ONLY SEEN THE MOVIE: READ THE BOOK! YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT!

CrAzY BiTcH

You fucking dumb, two faced, raging, hormonal, USED, bitch! You THINK that you are worth anything?? You are fooling yourself into thinking that your existence matters. No one will miss your short, stubby ass if your gone! HA! You think your better than me because he slept with him and he calls to USE YOU EVEN MORE!? hahaha You make me fucking laugh; your a fucking GENEUS! You will never get the point will you!? Anyone ever told you that you are suck a fucking push over, you egotistical bitch! EVeryday telling me that you need to fuck, you need some cock, you just want to be satisfied, YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING! Everytime I think of you I can't help but feel just a little sad about how pathetic you are, it truly is a sad story....Trust me when I say he doens't want you....AT ALL. hahaha Its actuallly funny because he basically told you that he wasn't interested after the first night you guys met, let me quote just in case you forgot, hey what are friends for..."Nah your not really my type, your kind of too chubby for me."....hahahhahahaahahah Hurts doesn't it hahahaha well good bitch you deserved it. You only fucking thought of yourself and your fucking flappy, teryaki pussy being "satisfied!" I can't stand the sight of you, the very mention of your name disgusts me. They are not your friends, your so fucking blind. They ACCOMIDATE you. Thats all it is. Your there because they don't know how to tell you to get lost without making it seem like they just USED you, but let me fill you in on a little secret....THEY DID hahahaha. Gosh you really are one funny, contradicting bitch. Well sorry to say but you are insignificant and mean nothing. You are such a sad case. You really need help. Don't look for it here. I don't want to fucking hear another word of it. EVER. You'll always be the easy, brainless, whore (who doesn't satisfy), last resort, cunt that will never get it because she has absolutely no self preservation. Have a nice fucking life whore. AND have a nice fucking day.....Did I forget to metion......a few of them have STD's....oops didn't know huh. oh well at least you know now....hope you didn't do anything I wouldn't lol. Your so fuckiing funny!

P.S------>

GET IT!? GOT IT?! good :-) didn't know huh? See your just so fucking funny! ;-) (wink)