Tormented Sibling

My sister is 12 and she is having such a hard time at school. I mean not really with her academics but with the "social" part of school. I was talking to her yesterday when we were washing clothes and she said that she does not have any friends. Of course I asked her to explain to me what she mean by not having any friends. THIS is what she told me---->I only have 4 friends but 2 of them said that they talk to me but that doesn't mean they are my friends, *****(I won't mention names) is my friend but she is on a different schedule for breaks than me, and my other friend is handicap and she can't talk and people would tease me and I can't hang with her anymore because thats what everyone thought was keeping her from making friends. This is just like a scene from a movie.--->It took me about 30 minutes to actually process this information before I realized that she is going through what is a social crisis. Not being in my sisters life for so long and her telling me this really hit a spot in me I didn't know I had for her....I cried for about 3 hours straight. I can't seem to understand how people can not like her because she is a sweet heart, funny, caring, and spontaneous. She deserves to have friends to hang out with and to be able to have a laugh with. She doesn't and it breaks my heart. She had told me that she walks alone during her recess break and she eats with those girls that "talk to her but aren't her friends." Can you put yourself in my shoes and just imagine your high spirited sister walking the school alone watching everyone having fun and living their lives? I can't. I don't want to but I don't know how to help her. Well the first thing that came to me was to ask her if she tried making new friends and the first thing that came out of her mouth was that everyone hates her. HATES HER! How can a 12 year old think that everyone hates her especially my sister who would be willing to help you in your time of need without a second thought??? Then I asked her if she had actually tried to go to people and make new friends but she told me-----this is hard for me so excuse me if it's not the best written blog----that they say No....they say NO. They tell her NO. I can't go to school with her and be friends with her or watch her and guide her through school. I don't know how to help her cause I couldn't even help myself when I had the same problem in my senior year of high school. I know how it feels to walk the hallways alone and you feel as if you rather just have your life be taken so you can feel lonely without everyone watching you be. I mean people would stare cause I would be alone and I knew what they were thinking...why doesn't she have friends? Something must be wrong with her, maybe she is a freak. Or maybe she is a loser. I know what those looks and the whispers can do to a person and I just can't let my sister go through it but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP HER! Every time I even imagine her being alone I burst out in tears cause I love her and I want her to be able to have people around her and in her life. I can see the light in her and the absolute brilliance she shows on the weekends when she has family and she can just be herself and be liked and loved. That is the person people in her school are destroying and making her feel like she isn't good enough. I know she is hurting and the talk that we had yesterday was hard for her because she couldn't even look at me when we were conversing. Even if I tell her that she will find friends that she will have a deep connection with and that she deserves to have what everyone else has but it just might be in working progress....but if you were 12 would you understand this? Would you be like"Okay well then I will just wait and be happy for the time being." I don't think so and I know hearing it is not the same thing as seeing it. I want to just take her out of school and put her in home schooling but I'm not her mother and my mom seems to think that she will find friends. I know she will find friends but I also know how hard, emotionally, it is to have to deal with this situation. Maybe it is better if she can be home schooled for a while than maybe when it's time to go to high school than she can try regular school again. I just wish I knew what to do.

~Save the Drama for your Mama!~

Hmmmmm so foolish have I been. I have come to recognize why people surround themselves with drama. They are so bored and unimpressed with their own lives they like to draw the attention off of them by talking about the people who have everything to look forward to. By demineing those with happy lives, they feel as if they are some how apart of the life they so long for. You wanna know something really funny? I use to be them. Hating my life everyday but making it seem like I had everything I ever wanted and had a better life than those people I put down. I never realized until I took a step back and took a look at myself that I was just jealous of them and silently wished everyday to have what they had. You better believe that karma is real. I'm living it still. I have been so negative to so many people during my life and of course will still slip but have learned that instead of just pretending to have a life that I long for, I will make MY life what I want and make the damn best of what I have. I will not associate myself with un-necessary drama and will just cut out all that negativity away with no looking back. I need to remember a quote that a dear friend of mine uses all the time "Just because you are moving forward does not mean that are leaving anything behind." Very wise quote if I do say so myself! This is probably the hardest quote I could ever follow but I am trying to do my best. As long as I have my family, besties, and positive notions I will be fine with out all of you DRAMA LOVERZ! I don't need you and your bullshit! Thank you very much and have a nice fucking day! :)

Danity Kane no Longer

<----Aubrey and D woods say farewell---->
WoW so I was just watcing MTV (out of pure boredom) and found out that Aubrey Oday and D woods are no longer part of Danity Kane! Talk about total drama! I can't fill you in on all the details because I tuned in at the last 10 minutes, but I DO know that Aubrey and Dwoods are no longer in the group. The jist of it is Aubrey mouthed off to Puff and kicked her out, so D woods tried to defend her ending in being kicked out herself. i never thought it would happen...Danity Kane is now only a threesome! I don't think it will be at all the same without Aubrey (she was the sexy, crazy, weird in a good way girl of the group). I mean just look at the albulm cover!!! She is right in the middle smack dab in the front! Message to Puff: NOT A SMART MOVE AT ALL but good luck with that anyway. Hopefully we will see more of Aubrey and D woods inthe future...do I hear solo albulms? I will post another as soon as I found out the exact details of who, what, when, where, why, and how! :)

MORE OF OUR SECRET SPOT

DAVID'S 5 MINUTE ARTWORK! SO TALENTED YEAH!?
IT'S MY PRETTY PINK TOES! HAHA
WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT MY BESTIES?!! LOVE THEM BOTH
JUST STARE AT IT.......ITS PERFECT

OUR LITTLE TRIP TO THE SECRET SPOT OF THOUGHT

ITS SO BEAUTIFUL THEY WHERE CONNECTING WITH MOTHER EARTH :)
I LOVE THIS PICTURE...IT DESCRIBES BOTH OF THEM....MAGNIFICENT!
HMMM....DAVID AND HIS DARN ENERGY DRINKS :PMY DAIVD....LIKE I TOLD HIM..FUTURE ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH MODEL

True Chaos of Life

My past is a reoccurring nightmare! No matter how much I move on and FINALLY start to live life I feel as if the things (PEOPLE) I am trying to forget keep on insisting on re-entering my life! I am so confused and don't know how to go about this entire incident. To make a long story short(and it is a very very long story) there are people who were an absolute negative impact in my life that I got rid of so as to lead a positive and happy life. These people that I just so happened "got rid of" have been constantly appearing in my life. At functions I go to, where I eat, emailing me, trying to converse with me, asking me to forgive them, and trying to put themselves back into my life. I do not know how to go about this. I really do need help. I have already tried to just ignore or just brush it off but it's not like I can get very far (Maui is a fairly small place and it an ISLAND). I already know the first question that pops into your head; "Do I want to have these people back in my life?" I can't answer such a simple question. I see both the negative AND positive aspects of letting this happen. On the negative side they have hurt, ridiculed, demeaned, and destroyed a lot of me as an individual. I have moved past all that I have went through with them and I am starting to live a good life with people I love and care about. BUT I also think about the fact that by holding grudges and not forgiving people and giving second chances is a negative energy to have in my life. I am trying to lead a positive life and by not forgiving and not wanting to be friends again with this people does it make me a negative person? Is that holding on to negative energy? I have been working so hard at trying to make my life as drama free as possible and what will letting or not letting this people in my life do? How will this affect me? It is a lot to think about and it is giving me what the say a "heavy heart." I have tried to explain to these individuals that it might not be the best thing for us to be "friends" again but it just seems that the message is not getting across the way I would like it to be. There is also another thing that keeps bothering me....Is it some kind of fate or destiny that these people are constantly interrupting my life? That they are somehow always showing up? And if it is does that mean I should forgive them? Should be friends with them? If I do will that change who I have come to accept as "me" or is it something that has been reoccurring for a reason that will actually enhance what life has to offer and open my eyes even more? To be really quite honest I am terrified to accept these people back into my life. It has taken so much for me to move on and finally be a happy person. I have hurt myself and those who have loved me and been there for me from the beginning and now that I finally am back to a place where I love to be and am HAPPY these people decide to show up again. I DO NOT want to hurt the people I love and have seen and heard how I have hurt them and will not do these things to them again but if I become friends with those from my past will I not even notice that I would be doing these things to the ones I care for? I guess this is one of those road blocks in life. I would never EVER trade in the friends that I have kept through all this and have right now. I can't predict the future even though I wish I could. Hopefully I will soon figure and sort out all the craziness so for now I am going to enjoy life and enjoy it with the people I truly fucking LOVE :)