Stability. I thought I had arrived at a point in my life where I felt stable. Temporary. It went just as fast as it came. Disappeared. Lost in myself once again. How did this u-turn happen? I can never be sure. No, not financial stability, deeper to my roots than materialistic things. So sad to think I had been to a place I was comfortable just to have the rug pulled out under me. It hurts more this time. It is creeping in and warping me into what I despise. Constantly thinking of what could be, but seems to be out of my reach. Less fortunate. Fine. Does not mean it makes the intensity any less. Only the fictional exists to me. It's what I have. Easy come and easy go as they say. Thought I didn't feel this? I only let you in on the pieces that don't hurt to say out loud. I only tell you what I know you can handle. I don't want empathy. Pity me, none. You can't help me with this. Confidence; it's what comes easy for me to show. Doesn't mean it's always true. Have to portray myself to be someone of good stature and have stability but it exists around me instead of inside my very existence. Ha! Don't think I try? Everyday. No different it seems. Change aspects of my life? Done. Doesn't work. Forget it? Haunts me everywhere. No escape. What to do now? Live with it and hope I can make it through another hour. Don't get it? Then you don't get me. It hurts. Bad. Eats away at my self control and my very core. I need help. No one can. Alone.
2 comments:
"No one can save you but you." You handle your ish with the grace of a cumulonimbus cloud that dances slowly in the amber lit sky. When you try to accept the things that happen, instead of filing them away in our subconscious library, they will be cradled then set free. You have no worries to worry about, we are supposed to experience the chaos, before we get to the causal point, the root, the core, then you will find the light of inner enlightenment... you're already on the right path, I saw the light and love in you a long time ago. That is why you are my best friend,you are not lost, your suffering will cease, and you will finally see the powerful woman I see when I look into your eyes. I love you, and I will always be there when you approach that puddle that lies in your path, I will hold your hand as you cross it. :)
I love this post! Stability.....Done....Alone!!!
at times I feel this way! But I am grateful for the friendship that I HAVE with you...it is not based on lies and "pretending" rather based on emotions and truth! Yes, we quarrel but as much as we do we smile and I know, you know, they know, that we are grateful for having each other..our vry own Fantastic 4 (the best one yet)
I read this somewhere...thought I should share it with you:
We all have a mask we put on that shows us as the person we
wish we were. Just look at the people in your life. What do you really
know about them, even the ones you are closest to? Do you really know what
makes them tick? Chances are, you know only what they let you see...
William James [psychologist and philosopher] says: "Whenever two people meet, there are really six people
present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other
person sees him, and each man as he really is."
An
important lesson to remember is this: that if you truly care about
a person, you should do anything in your power to be open and honest
with them. As the kabbalists say: Love without unity isn't love, and
unity without love isn't unity.
I will be writting a post about this, truuust! ay!
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